Tuesday, April 21, 2009

A peek inside my head

Have you guys heard this song? I'm loving this band!! Its my newest obsessions in music. I like to drown myself in music and forget about being me for small while. This song is fabulous. My current playlist also includes Seether (love them) Taylor Swift, and Sugarland. I'm really loving Sugarland lately.

So its nearing 7am, and Ive been awake all night. I was going to bed with my family, when Suddenly I was hit with this huge stream of brilliant mojo rushing through my mind, and Ive been busy scrapping all night. Oh the greatest that blah blah blah Ok yeah right, back to reality. Actually I'm still sitting, staring at the Computer screen empty minded and bored out of my mind, yet I cant sleep. Whats new there? I'm starting to think I'm crazy, or truly in need of some form of sleeping pills. Those of you who know me, know they are no way I could ever swallow those things and they would sit and waste away in my side drawer like all other medications I'm prescribed. I have a strong desire to fill the prescriptions, yet I cant take them. I think this coincides with my perfectionist tendencies. Which is another thing I wish I could kick out the window. Now Josh on the other hand, falls asleep as soon as his head hits the pillow, literally! And Frankly that ticks me off. Speaking of Josh, we recently celebrate our 6 year anniversary, yay for me huh.....well not exactly. I have come to the conclusion that he and I are from two different worlds and I don't think our expectations and goals in life are the same. I have to ask myself what ELSE I'm willing to sacrifice and let go of in life. He doesnt have a clue who I am or what I like. Yes he can tell you I adore Kenny Chesney. . . That's bc I say all the time, how I dream of going to his concerts some day, But can he tell you what my favorite perfume is? ...NO! and he doesn't know how much I love cozy fireplaces, boots, costume jewelry, red hots and polka dots. Are you thinking I'm insanely crazy and even a bit delusional now? Hard-hearted Even? I don't know whats wrong with me, but I know I'm not a happy spring chicken. So are you guys thinking I'm clinically depressed? Must try to get some sleep, as B will be up in a few hours now.


Jocelyn said...

Taking a inventory of your life is important and we each reach stages in out life where we think What The Heck!!! Not having proper sleep can also effect your thinking and mood!!!! If you need someone to talk to email me and I will give you my phone number!!! Life is tough, just be strong!!!! You are in my thoughts today!!!!

Bree/Reilly said...

First and most important thing - YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!! Sad as it is - about 8 out of 10 women feel exactly the same the same about their relationships. The other 2 are probably single :) The reality is men and women really do not think a like, they don't see things the same way, they don't interpret things the same way, they certainly don't feel or understand things the same way and that is where the majority of contention comes from because we want them to UNDERSTAND our point of view but the reality is their brains ARE wired differently and they just don't get it. Check out this video - this guy is so funny but is also brilliant!!!

Mens Way of Thinkinghttp:

Julie Tucker-Wolek said...

{{{HUGS}}}....I agree with Jocelyn...after having one failed marriage of my own...sometimes taking inventory on what WE really WANT is the best thing to do....U are in my thoughts dearest! :):):):):):):):):):):)

Bree/Reilly said...

Not sure if that link worked


Sheila Perry said...

Yeah, if you don't start expressing your feelings to Josh, it is just going to fester inside and then blow up. You need to start talking now...even if it is just a little at a time (so you dont' overwhelm him). But, you need to make sure he understands the severity of it, too. That you are losing yourself.And about the sleeping pills...I NEVER thought I needed anything like that. I just thought I was one of those that "tossed and turned". I could also tell you EXACTLY what time I tossed and what time I turned. (Later when I was telling my Dr., we realized I was waking up every hour). Well...what got me to finally go to the Dr. about it was how I was almost falling asleep at the wheel when driving home from work. YIKES!!!
So, she put me on a non-habit forming prescription and I have never felt better throughout the day. I am not fatigued or anything. It is great.
So, don't throw that option out of the window just yet.
Later, love!

Beth Perry said...

ooops...I was still signed under my mom's blog...hahaha I am creating one for her and just got started last night.
So, NO, I didn't change my name!

Brynn said...

In all seriousness....could you be to NM by Thursday night for the Kenny Chesney concert with Miranda Lambert?! You can stay at my house afterwards-bring scrap stuff-I've got the tickets covered!!!

Brynn said...

..and no way are you going crazy....but you may need a med check! :) I know how you feel. Give it time to pass. Have you seen Fire Proof?! WATCH THAT! There is an actual book to accompany it as well. Don't loose faith Cathy. We'll talk about it when you're here *wishing that will happen** B.

Peggy said...

Sweet Cathy, like you've read in the other comments, you're not alone. Just yesterday I said to my husband: "We've been together for 18 years now, and you still don't know me...".

We are from two different worlds, he doesn't like anything I like, and he only lives for soccer it seems sometimes... Even my children know by now for example that if I like a song, my husband will hate it, and vica versa. We don't like the same food, music, films, ... we don't have anything in common really, and I sometimes think that if I had met him in a later stage in my life (we were both so young), we never would have gotten together. However, I love him so much, and he loves me ... and I guess that's what it all comes down to ... do you love each other and could you possibly imagine life without him?
xxx Peggy

Rose Ann said...

Hi Cathy,
Stopped in to say Hello ~:O) I see you are in the same mood I have been in these last few weeks, sorry to hear it. (((hugs)))
Sleeplessness, ugh, me too! Late nights and dragging myself around. My mood is affected by cloudiness. It will be summer here in Ohio...eventually, right!?!
22yrs of marriage here, yes we love each other and we are polar opposites. You hang in there, you are in my thoughts ♥

Lydia Siegel said...

Hey Sweets, Im going to email you. Other then that I will write a book here!

Melonie said...

Oh Cathy I am so sorry to read this. Please know that I am thinking of you and I am only an e-mail away if you want to talk. Hope you get some sleep tonight and start to feel better. (((HUGS)))
Oh and we totally have the same taste in music.

Jill Deiling said...

hey im sorry you have a hard time sleeping! i had to take sleep meds for awhile when i had that problem. im really sorry about josh too :( I know i dont know him or you in real life i wish there was something i could do to help! just do what makes you happy!! i hope youve been able to work some stuff out!

Ann said...